30  Nonverbal Cues

Quotes

You only get one chance to make a first impression.
Oscar Wilde or Will Rogers

30.1 Introduction

We introduced nonverbal communication as a form of communication in Section 27.2.2 as the ways in which we convey information by other means than speaking or writing. The 7% myth, namely that 93% of communication is nonverbal, was debunked there. The 93% importance of nonverbal communication came from situations where the nonverbal cues contradicted the verbal message. Whatever the true percentage, nonverbal communication is very important. You can use it to your advantage and you can sabotage communication efforts with it.

Nonverbal communication has multiple functions and effects. In his teaching notes from Andrews University, Dean Emeritus Dr. Charles Tidwell lists

  • To repeat the verbal message—pointing in a direction while stating directions
  • To accent the verbal message—tone indicates the meaning
  • To complement the verbal message—a nod reinforces a positive message, a wink can contradict the verbal message
  • To regulate interactions—conveying with hand gestures that a person should speak
  • To substitute for the verbal message—raising fingers to lips to indicate quiet

Much of it is kind of obvious, for example, the effects of posture, body language, gestures, eye contact, distance you keep, tone of voice, and so on. It still takes awareness and practice to avoid nonverbal mistakes and to draw on positive nonverbal cues to strengthen your communication. Finally, pointing out elements of nonverbal communication, you become more aware and tuned in, making it easier to read situations.

Example: The First Meeting

A client is meeting a statistical consultant in her office for the first time. As the client enters, he notices a stack of papers on the chair in front of a massive desk, the statistician sits behind the desk, looking at her computer. Without looking up from the computer she waves the client in, points at the chair, and says “Hello, come on in. Take a seat.”

The nonverbal cues and the setting convey that the consultant is not very interested in the appointment or the consulting job. The fact that the chair intended for the client is used to store papers signals “don’t get comfortable, don’t stay very long”. Seating herself behind a large desk creates a barrier and puts the client in an inferior position. Not making eye contact is another nonverbal cue that this meeting is not very important.

Compare this to the setting where she has a small round conference table in her office, shows the client in, gets up from behind her desk, walks toward the door, looks at the client, points at the conference table, and greets them with “Hello, come on in. Take a seat.” She waits for the client to be seated before taking her seat.

The same greeting is used in both cases. And even if spoken with the same enthusiasm, the nonverbal cues convey very different messages. In the second setting the cues and the vocalization are completely aligned, creating a welcoming and respectful environment. In the second setting they are misaligned and the message conveyed by the verbal cues wins: I am busy and not very interested, do not have much time for you, don’t stay too long; you and your project do not matter much to me.

It is easy to list what to do and what not to do with respect to nonverbal communication, but changing things can be difficult or impossible. A behavior can be due to an obsessive compulsive disorder. Maybe fidgeting or playing with their hair is exactly what helps someone focus. It is easy to say “make eye contact”, it is much more difficult for an introvert than an extrovert. In trying to fix a nonverbal cue you might overdo it and create the opposite effect; keeping excessive eye contact is creepy and considered aggressive.

A Business Insider article from 2016 listed “9 horrible body language habits that are hard to quit”, such as

  • fidgeting
  • playing with your hair
  • adopting a defensive pose
  • shuffling instead of walking
  • forgetting to smile
  • slouching
  • nonexisting or aggressive eye contact

For starters, these should not be referred to as “horrible”. We all do some of these to varying degrees. I slouch and I slouch more when I am tired. There is nothing wrong with shuffling while talking at times, it can be used to make a point about a slow-moving process. It can be a problem if that is the only way a speaker moves. The article was met with contemptuous comments such as

wait you mean..stop being autistic? DIDNT KNOW I COULD DO THAT OH MY GOD!!!!!”

The important thing is recognizing what can be improved, and working on that. With so many poor communicators around, even small improvements can make you stand out. Be yourself, but be the best version of yourself,

Whether a behavior can be changed or not, it is helpful to understand how cues are typically interpreted and what signals they send.

Personal Experience

A good method to improve nonverbal cues by reinforcing positive and avoiding negative nonverbal communication is to record oneself and watching it critically. It is also a very painful method. Our voice sounds different in our own head, which is why recordings of ourselves sound strange. “Do I really sound like that?”

Seeing a video of yourself speaking is awkward and cringey. “Is that what I sound and look like?”. Well, yes, that is what we sound and look like.

Before giving a speech, I would practice at home or in my office several times without recording. Then I rehearse once or twice on a stage, recording video and audio in front of people that would give me honest and constructive feedback.

The same issues would come up: too much pacing, hands folded in front of the body (the “praying” posture), speaking too fast. I am still working on those issues. But once aware, I can catch myself pacing or praying during a talk, stand still, face the audience and show open palms.

30.2 Cultural Expectations

Nonverbal cues are particularly important in intercultural situations. The term culture is interpreted very broadly here, the influences that shape a person’s expectations for communications. The different cultural interpretation of nonverbal cues is responsible for much mis-communication. What is acceptable or even expected behavior in one culture can be offensive in another culture. For example, loudness of voice indicates strength in Arabic cultures, confidence and authority in Germany, impoliteness in Thailand, and loss of control to the Japanese.

The OK gesture (👌), performed by joining the thumb and index finger in a circle, is frequently used as a sign of approval or assent, indicating something positive and well done. In Japan the sign is meant to represent a coin and indicates wealth. In many other cultures the gesture has a negative and offensive connotation: it can represent a zero (or nothing of value), a vulgar expression symbolizing the human anus (as in “you a**hole”), a homophobic reaction. The Anti-Defamation League added the OK gesture in 2019 to its “Hate on Display” database, as it has been used as an expression of white supremacy.

Interpretations Vary

Here is a list of nonverbal cues with complicated cultural interpretations, based in part on teaching notes by Dr Charles Tidwell of Andrews University.

  • Posture

    • Bowing: is not done in the U.S., shows respect and social rank in many Asian cultures.
    • Hands in pocket: considered disrespectful in Turkey
    • Sitting with legs crossed: offensive in Turkey, Ghana
    • Showing soles of feet: a sign of disrespect in Arab, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist countries

  • Facial Expressions. Facial expressions that relate to anger, sorrow, sadness, happiness have the same meaning world wide, but their intensity differs between cultures. Too much smiling can be seen as a sign of shallowness. Many Asian cultures limit facial expressions.

  • Eye Contact. This one is tricky, because we are taught in Western cultures that eye contact is generally a positive thing and we are aware that many communicators do not make enough eye contact with their audience (looking at the floor, looking at their slides, etc.). Across cultures direct and/or sustained eye contact is interpreted very differently.

    • Western cultures: eye contact is generally seen as positive, a sign of engagement and attentiveness. However, too much eye contact appears aggressive, prolonged eye contact can be seen as a sign of sexual interest—no staring!
    • Arabic cultures: prolonged eye contact shows interest and establishes trust. Not reciprocating eye contact makes a person seen as not trustworthy.
    • In many Asian and Latin American cultures, avoiding eye contact or averting gaze is seen as a sign of respect.
    • In many East Asian cultures (Japan, Korea, China) direct eye contact is a sign of disrespect, especially when speaking to someone of high(er) status. In Japanese culture, sustained eye contact is seen as a challenge or an expression of dominance rather than a sign of engagement or attentiveness.

  • Touch. Touch is culturally determined, the basic message when touching someone is to exercise control and to affect someone. The safe thing is not to have any physical contact when interacting with others. A handshake is a common part of a greeting in Western cultures, but no-touch greetings or less-touch greetings such as a fist bump are more acceptable. Expecting a handshake can be awkward when the other party does not reciprocate. For example, some interpretations of Islam and Judaism discourage or prohibit shaking hands with members of the opposite sex unless they are close relatives or spouses.

If someone wants to greet you with a handshake and you’d rather not have physical contact, it is fine to greet them with a nod and a smile.

Derr (2000) gives the following recommendations when meeting someone who might have a different cultural background–and thus different nonverbal expectations:

  • First impressions are nonverbal, and they have a cultural context
  • Understand the expectations for your culture (typical greeting, eye contact, inter-personal distance)
  • Learn about the expectations in cultures you interact with professionally
  • When possible, adopt your behavior to the audience’s expectations
  • If you get a negative first impression of someone, consider that their expectations for nonverbal communication might be different from yours
  • Look out for discomfort in your audience, it will get in the way of the information you are trying to communicate

Business Card Etiquette

Business cards are used less frequently today in the U.S., but they still play a role when doing business across country borders. Especially in Asia, business cards are important, considered an extension of the person. Mishandling a business card is a sign of mishandling and disrespecting the person the card represents.

If you interact with Chinese, Korean, or Japanese professionally, you should know the cultural expectations around business cards, especially if you are in a more senior position as higher-ranking representatives exchange cards first.

In China, Korea, and Japan, business cards should be in English on one side and in the local language on the other side. Business cards are always kept in a special card case, never just stashed into a pocket. Receiving someone’s card and putting it in your back pocket is a major faux pas, you are signaling the
person that you will be sitting on them soon.

Especially in Japan and Korea, the exchange of business cards is a ceremony. Cards are exchanged on first meeting, both parties are standing up, facing each other. The presenter holds their card with both hands, facing toward the recipient with the translated side up. The exchange is accompanied by a bow and a vocal introduction of who you are and your job title. The recipient takes the card with both hands, reads it, and often comments on an aspect of the person as gleaned from the card. This exchange takes time.

The recipient then places the card on the top of a card case or on the table in front of them when meeting around a conference table. The first card should be presented to the most senior staff member, working down the hierarchy after that. Remember, the card is an extension of the person; how you treat the card is how you treat the person.

30.3 Toastmaster World Champion

Before going through types of nonverbal cues, watch the following video from Dananjaya Hettiarachchi, one of the the world champions in the annual Toastmaster competition. Consider how the speaker uses gesture, facial expression, body language, movement, eye contact, pauses, tone of voice, softness and loudness, humor, and audience engagement to tell his story.

And here is a great video on how to put together a strong opening for your presentation.

30.4 Body Language

An open body language is inviting, calming, puts us at ease. This is a good state of mind to receive information. A defensive body language signals tension, resistance, and unease. An aggressive body language means I am coming for you, it triggers fight and flight response.

Elements of open body language are

  • straight posture
  • open arms
  • showing palms of the hands
  • smiling
  • eyebrows open
  • leaning forward
  • making eye contact
  • removing clothing (e.g. jacket, not all of it)

Defensive body language is evident in

  • crossed legs
  • arms crossed in front of the chest
  • avoiding eye contact
  • hands in pockets
  • clenched fists
  • rigid body

Aggressive body language can be seen in

  • clenched fists
  • sneering
  • tight muscles
  • finger pointing
  • hands on hips
  • furrowed brow, eyebrows turned inwards
  • pursed lips
  • puffed chest
  • blading (turning the body slightly away from a threat, as to protect vital organs)
  • jaw thrust forward
  • invading someone’s space
  • narrowing eyes

Posture

Posture acts as a constant broadcast of our internal state and attitude. An upright, open stance with shoulders back signals confidence and readiness to engage, while slouched shoulders or a hunched position often communicates defeat, insecurity, or disinterest.

The subtle lean forward during conversation shows engagement and interest, whereas leaning back can indicate skepticism, evaluation, or desire for distance.

The way we hold our arms tells its own story. Arms crossed creates a literal and psychological barrier, suggesting defensiveness or closed-mindedness, though it can also simply mean someone is cold or comfortable in that position. Arms at the sides with palms visible conveys openness and honesty, while hands behind the back can project authority but also create distance.

Gestures

Gestures fall into fascinating categories.

  • Emblematic gestures have specific meanings—thumbs up, the OK sign, or pointing—though we have seen that these gestures can vary dramatically across cultures.

  • Illustrative (descriptive) gestures accompany speech, helping paint pictures of size, shape, or movement. Watch someone describe a spiral staircase or a huge fish, and their hands inevitably join the storytelling. When going through a list of three points, gesturing the numbers as you hit the points is an effective way of helping the audience along. This is called signposting.

  • Adaptive gestures reveal internal states we are often unaware of broadcasting. Touching the face, neck, or hair frequently signals anxiety or discomfort. Fidgeting with objects, tapping fingers, or bouncing legs can indicate nervousness, boredom, or excess energy. These self-soothing behaviors often intensify when we are stressed or lying.

  • Suggestive gestures present a thought, idea, or emotion.

  • Prompting gestures are used to invoke a response from the audience.

  • Hand positioning carries weight too. Steepling fingers suggests confidence and authority, while wringing hands or clenched fists signal tension. Open palms historically showed we carried no weapons and still communicate honesty and openness today.

The timing and synchronization of gestures matter enormously. Natural gestures slightly precede or accompany speech, while forced or deceptive gestures often lag behind words, creating an unsettling disconnect that listeners subconsciously pick up on.

Eye Contact

Eye contact serves as one of the most powerful and complex forms of nonverbal communication, capable of building trust, conveying authority, expressing intimacy, or creating discomfort - sometimes all within the same conversation.

The quality and duration of eye contact sends distinct messages. Direct, steady eye contact typically signals confidence, honesty, and engagement. People who maintain appropriate eye contact are generally perceived as more trustworthy, competent, and likeable. However, the line between confident and aggressive eye contact is surprisingly thin - staring too intensely or for too long can feel threatening or inappropriate, while too little suggests dishonesty, shyness, or disrespect.

In group settings, effective eye contact distribution shows leadership and inclusiveness. Speakers who make eye contact with various audience members create connection and maintain attention, while those who focus on just one person or area make others feel excluded. The next video explains well how to use eye contact differently depending on the size of the audience.

Facial Expressions

Facial expressions often betray our true feelings even when we are trying to mask them. Micro-expressions—those brief, involuntary facial movements—can reveal emotions like contempt, fear, or genuine versus forced happiness. The slight furrow of brows, a barely perceptible lip compression, or the difference between a real smile (which engages the eyes) and a social smile can completely change the message being received.

Your face should match the message. Smiling is great to put the audience and yourself at ease, but maybe do not smile while delivering a somber message.

Movement

Movement in presentation settings serves as a powerful tool for emphasis, engagement, and authority. Strategic movement can transform a static presentation into a dynamic experience, while poor movement patterns can undermine the best content. When presenting, there are no neutral movement. Any movement that does not add to the presentation, distracts from it.

Purposeful movement commands attention and helps segment information. Move to the center for key points, then shift position for new topics to create visual punctuation that helps audiences follow along.

Move closer to the audience during intimate stories or crucial moments to build connection, step back to provide breathing room for reflection or to signal a transition.

The quality of movement matters enormously. Confident, deliberate strides convey authority and preparedness. Speakers who own their space—using the full stage or classroom rather than hiding behind podiums—appear more credible and engaging. Smooth, controlled movement feels natural and keeps focus on the message, while jerky or paced movement can distract and signal nervousness.

Poor movement habits can sabotage otherwise strong presentations. Repetitive pacing, swaying, or bouncing becomes hypnotic and distracting. Speakers who retreat to corners or cling to podiums appear uncertain and create distance from their audience. Random, nervous movement suggests lack of preparation or confidence.

Skilled presenters use movement like a conductor uses a baton—to create rhythm, build tension, provide emphasis, and guide attention. Stillness can be just as powerful as movement, using strategic pauses and planted positions to let important points land before moving on to the next idea.

30.5 Voice

Tone of Voice

Tone of voice occupies a middle ground between the words themselves and the visual body language. It is called a paralinguistic cue, carrying meaning through how we say things rather than through what we say.

The emotional content of tone is transparent. A flat, monotone delivery suggests boredom, depression, or disengagement, while animated vocal variation signals enthusiasm and involvement. Tension creeps into voices under stress, creating a higher pitch and tighter quality that listeners immediately recognize as distress.

On the other hand, relaxed confidence produces fuller, more resonant tones that naturally command attention and trust.

Rapid speech often indicates nervousness, excitement, or the desire to rush through uncomfortable topics. Extremely slow delivery can signal condescension, careful deception, or deep thoughtfulness. The most effective communicators vary their pace strategically—slow down for emphasis, speed up to build energy, and pause to create anticipation or allow important points to sink in.

Volume of voice carries its own messages. Consistent loud speech can feel aggressive or suggest the speaker assumes others are not listening. Consistently quiet speech forces audiences to strain and can signal insecurity or lack of conviction. More concerning is when volume does not match content—speaking softly about exciting news or speaking loudly about sensitive topics. It makes listeners uncomfortable.

Uptalk and Vocal Fry

Also be aware of speech patterns like vocal fry or uptalk. Vocal fry is the raspy, creaky sound of our voice in low registers. Vocal fry happens somewhat naturally when we aer short of breath at the end of the sentence, the voice becomes gravely and dies down. Avoid vocal fry by ending the last sound in the sentence with energy. Overdoing vocal fry can make you sound juvenile.

Uptalk ends statements with rising intonation, like questions. Uptalk can undermine credibility and make speakers sound uncertain, even when they are knowledgeable. However, uptalk can also be helpful to signal to others that you are not done speaking, this is called floor holding.

So now we have uptalk and vocal fry as speech patterns. What happens if they are combined?

Filler Words

Common filler words in speech include “um”, “ah”, “er”, “hmmm”, like”, “well”, “so”, “right”, “that”, “well”, “basically”, “actually”, “literally”, “virtually”, “yeah”, “practically”, “seriously”, I mean”, “I guess”, “I suppose”, in fact”,“really”, “sort of”, “kind of”, OK”, “look”, “anyway”, “and stuff”, and so on.

Charitably also known as discourse markers, filler words do not add any meaning but they are not entirely useless. Filler words can be used to provide space and thinking time for the speaker and the audience, they can indicate that the speaker is not yet finished, and make conversation seem less abrupt. A good-natured hesitation before delivering bad news can indicate emotion.

When used excessively, filler words make the speaker sound unprepared and unsure, and they wear on the audience. They distract from the other words in your message. The audience has to filter them out of the message to get to the meaning.

And then there are particularly grating filler phrases, made up of collections of filler words: “and so on and so forth”, “at the end of the day”, “to be honest”, “to tell you the truth”, “you know what”, “you know what I’m saying”, and so on and so forth.

Filler words often come out unconsciously, which makes them difficult to, you know, basically, like, stop. When writing, re-read sentences looking for words that can be deleted without altering the meaning. Compare the following pairs of sentences:

I just hit a deer.
I hit a deer.

Can you just send me the file?
Can you send me the file?

In the first case just anchors the event in time, the deer was hit recently. It is not a filler word. In the second case just is a filler word; it can be removed without altering the meaning, you are asking for the file to be sent.

When speaking, here are some hints to avoid or reduce the use of filler words:

  • Slow down. Using filler words might be caused by speaking too fast. You then insert filler words to give yourself time to catch up to the spoken words. Slowing down speech gives you more time to think and makes the conversation more relaxed.

  • Embrace the silence. We use filler words to avoid silence and pauses in speech. Silence does not have to be awkward, it can lend emphasis and draw the audience in. If you are not sure what to say next, do not say anything at all. Keep calm and soldier on.

  • Negative Practice. Overdo the very thing you want to avoid doing. For example, if you tend to use “like” as a filler word, make a conscious effort to use “like” 10 times in each sentence. By practicing what you want to avoid, you are moving the habit from the subconscious mind to the conscious mind. And now you can address it by replacing the word “like” with a short pause.

  • Record yourself. Play back the recording and count filler words. We all use them more than we think we are.

30.6 Other Communication Channels

Nonverbal communication also plays an important role when you cannot see the person you are communicating with. Text messages and email, for example, are forms of verbal communication because you type out words. They also have nonverbal cues such as emojis, punctuation, capitalization, slang, response length and time. A quick reply can suggest enthusiasm, long response times can indicate disinterest. Use of periods, question marks, and exclamation points can add clarity to the message and indicate tone and emphasis. Emojis are a substitute for facial expressions and body language, allowing the sender to express emotion.

Tone of voice, pitch, volume, inflection, pace of speech, breathing, silences are called paralinguisitics and are the nonverbal cues you can use when speaking to someone you cannot see. When phones first became more widely available, phone courtesy was lacking. People were not used to speaking without seeing the other person. Employees berated their bosses on the phone because the typical cues that established hierarchy (office, desk, suit, appearance) and conditioned behavior were not visible.

The following nonverbal cues affect phone communication:

  • A calm and friendly voice creates a sense of trust and professionalism.
  • Do not speak too fast, normal rate of speech is about 125 words per minute.
  • Strategic silences allow the other person to process information, but prolonged silences create awkwardness.
  • Active listening can be shown with phrases such as “mm-hmm” or “I understand”.
  • Although the recipient cannot see you smile, smiling while speaking influences your tone of voice, you sound more friendly. Sitting upright or standing also affects your tone of voice.